How is He Adjusting?

That is the question I'm asked at least once each day. It is a very good question. I often try to put myself in his shoes and am at a loss to even begin to comprehend what it must be like to be 6 1/2 years old and have everything about your life change in an instant. The closest comparisons I can think of are the culture shock of traveling to Mexico or China or the adjustment of getting married and suddenly sharing everything about my life with another person. But those events really aren't fair comparisons -- I knew a lot about Mexico and China before I arrived, had translators available to me everyday and knew I was returning to what was familiar in a matter of days. When I married my husband, I had spent a few years getting to know him first before deciding to share my life with him. Joshua has had very little control over any of what has happened to him, little if any choice and most of the time has only a vague understanding of what will happen tomorrow or next week.

We are truly amazed by this smart, resilient and sweet little boy. We still see about one episode each day where he will withdraw emotionally and physically from us. Usually there is some small thing that has upset him. Today it was that he and Anna had a brief argument about whose turn it was to see a book. A few days ago it was because he had found a box of hershey bars (smore supplies) and wanted to bring them in the car and was told "no". Sometimes, he will just wake up in the morning or from a nap and be in this "funk" as we call it. He will spend 20 to 30 minutes looking sad. Sometimes he even has some tears. We love on him and keep him near us, often times going about our business in between giving him a hug and telling him we love him. Then, he'll just snap out of it again and join in with whatever is happening around him. He'll usually come give me a hug and kiss and be extra affectionate for a while. We think it just seems to be his way of processing all of the stress he has to be feeling from so many changes and the difficulty with fully expressing himself.

Today we had lunch with the dear woman who was a pediatric nurse in Taiwan for 32 years. Joshua really seems to enjoy visiting with her. I'm so thankful that he has had opportunities to converse in Mandarin. Usually, he chatters about things that are seemingly insignificant, but it must feel so good to him to be able to chatter and feel like there is some understanding of what he is chattering about. I'm quite sure that he will have much to say when he is fully fluent in English. I tried to ask about some of the most recent "sad" episodes. The only one he would talk about was the incident with Anna and really only said that she is always wanting to do whatever he is doing... Yes, we knew that. We talked a bit about how she is a little girl and was used to a lot of attention from Mom and Dad before he came and that she is learning to get along. He seemed to understand that. He really is very patient with her and shows geniune concern and affection toward her...she's just pushing him to the limit at times. I asked him what his favorite thing is about America and he said he really likes to go shopping! Yes, I knew that too -- hmmm, want to guess my least favorite thing to take him to do??? I asked him if he missed anything or anyone from China. Our friend wasn't sure what he was talking about in reply, but I'm fairly certain it was another narrative about the television shows he liked so much in China and that we don't let him watch here. It was all very light hearted with lots of smiles and laughter.

He is doing really well with learning English. Thankfully, he loves his English program and since it is DVD based, it fills some of that void left behind from those days of watching TV at the orphanage. Today, I took the kids and a friend on a long walk/run. For part of the time, Joshua and I started talking about "fast and slow" then "up and down", then "walk/run" then "feet/hands" and then I was pointing to various "flowers". He started walking along holding my hand practicing the harder to pronounce words. He is trying to teach me some vocabulary words in Chinese too -- I'm sure he is doing better than I am. Let's see, today I learned "shee gua" (that would be my spelling) for "watermelon" when he couldn't remember the word and resorted to drawing a picture (which he does very well!)

Here are pictures of Joshua's experiences this past week -- trip number two to the dentist (for the first 2 of 10 fillings...), crawfish with Grandpa, tether ball with Rachel, walking back to the car with siblings and friends after his first theater movie (love those free summer movies!) and the Shady Dell Steam Engine Park.

This week, I came upon a verse that I really liked. I need to figure out a way to put it into my own words so that I have an appropriate response to people that want to tell us what a great thing we have done. They are words spoken by Jesus regarding servants from Luke Chapter 17 (verses 9-10) "Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not. So likewise, you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, 'We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do. '"

More than Enough

One of the first things we noticed about Joshua was his appetite. He was and is a good eater. Our foods are not really his favorites all of the time, yet he always eats - A LOT. We are amazed at how much he can eat. While in China, this overeating combined with car sickness, led to some unpleasant experiences. Thankfully, we haven't seen any hoarding, but he always clears his plate and asks for more. Frequently, he will go to the fridge or pantry asking for something to eat. I have heard this is very common among children that come from an orphanage. We have been expecting that eventually, he will come to trust that we will always have more than enough food for him and he will learn to eat to fit his appetite.

We are very thankful that Joshua is very engaging with each member of our family. He has an easy smile and is generous with his hugs. He seems to crave physical closeness and affection. He probably comes to me for hugs and kisses 50 times each day or more. I wouldn't describe him as "clingy" because he has no problem being out of my sight and being with other people. He just seems to need lots of expressions of love and affection. He likes to sit in my lap and snuggle up close. With our record breaking heat this week, it has been a sweaty experience. On Sunday morning, he was wanting to snuggle through both hours of church. Anna also wanted to snuggle close to me. As I sat there sweating with both of my little China blessings wrapped around parts of my body, it occurred to me that perhaps Joshua's need for affection is a bit like his appetite. It will take some time for him to trust that there will always be more than enough love and affection for him and it will never go away. I'm so thankful that he so readily gives and receives love and has already learned to say "love you" when he gives me a hug. I sat in church praying that he will learn that God loves him unconditionally and always and that he will have the same intense affection for his savior that he is directing toward me. I find myself worrying that I will let him down and disappoint him. Hopefully, he will learn to trust in the One who is always trustworthy before he realizes how imperfect his mommy really is.

Last night, we took Joshua to meet a family from Taiwan. They have lived here since their children were toddlers. Their 13 year old daughter does some interpreting. They were very sweet and Joshua seemed to enjoy talking with them. We explained about my sister and her family coming to visit and about a dentist appointment he will have today. We asked him about food and he tried to explain how he likes rice. Not sure I'll ever have it quite right, but this family explained to me how they eat rice and suggested I add some sugar. Joshua seemed to like it better this morning -- not that he had a problem eating rice before... He spent some time talking about the orphanage. Apparently there were some bullies there, but he didn't seem too upset about it. He said there were about 20 children that would sit around a television for several hours every evening. We're trying to change that habit and explained to him that we like to "do" things instead of "watch" things. He didn't really seem to like that answer. He kept asking about watching some shows from China. He really likes his Go Go English DVDs that we bought in China, so hopefully we can keep that momentum going and keep making it a treat to work on English with those DVDs. He also told them how smart he is and that his "baba" (apparently they called the orphanage staff mama and baba) started teaching him math when he was very young. He is quite good at math for his age. I teased him that I would give him very hard math when we start school after the summer and he quickly replied that it didn't need to be too hard. Hopefully that will be a fun subject for us since it doesn't require much use of English right away. We've been doing single pages each day with all three boys.

The phrase "more than enough" has run through my head so many times, that I kept thinking of the song.

We're Back!

We're back from China, back from family camp and back on the JbarJhappenings blog!

Sorry for the confusion with switching blogs two days before we left for China. There were many miracles in the journey to Joshua. One of those miracles was being able to travel to China to get him at all. It truly was only because of what we are calling "a Divinely Appointed Mistake" that we were allowed to go. We know of no other families that have been allowed to travel to this province since the swine flu made the news. The province officials were a bit upset with us for having communicated our travel plans with other families and our agency advised us to make our blog more private before we traveled. For anyone that missed the updated travel blog -- here is the link -- http://jbarjendsofearth.blogspot.com/ We are praying that the other families waiting to travel to this province will receive news soon.

We returned home on July 8th, tired, but so very thankful to be home and to have Joshua here with us. He has been doing really well. He is an energetic, friendly, smart, outgoing boy. He has had a few sad moments where he has become a bit withdrawn, but so far, we've been able to draw him back out of it with patience and persistence. We all truly love this boy and I think he is growing in his affection for us as well. He seems to be a loving and affectionate boy by nature.

Just over a week after returning home, we were packing up again to go to family camp. Thankfully, the camp is only a bit more than a half hour from home. Joshua really enjoyed the camp. He enjoyed meeting and playing with the other kids from church, especially the ones he had met the first Sunday home. His favorite activity was riding a bike. The only problem was that we only had one bicycle with training wheels and Anna also became interested in that bike. Taking turns is a good lesson, but created a few problems over the weekend. Once home, I was able to get training wheels onto another bike that was a better size for Joshua and everyone is happy now -- other than a few scrapes and bumps that have since resulted from the bicycle riding.

The second day at camp, Pete wiped out his ankle in a big way. We spent the afternoon at the ER and he spent the rest of camp on crutches or with his leg elevated. He saw the podiatrist today. His ankle was still very swollen five days later. This is not the first time he has injured this ankle. The doctor's evaluation was pretty discouraging. We think we need to pray for a miraculous healing. The podiatrist thinks he has no ligaments left to heal (as in, he has completely destroyed them) and would need reconstructive surgery. Wouldn't it be great for the doctor to have a huge surprise at the next visit!

The kids did this crazy audio adrenaline song for talent night -- Joshua fit right in when he decided, at the last second, to join them on stage... not sure which side of the gene pool this comes from (notice my husband and I were NOT there), but he seems to be an Aldrich child. My efforts to remain behind the scenes don't always work. There was this crazy activity at church this year of passing a cookie jar from porch to porch and whoever had the cookie jar when church started at camp would have to do "the chicken dance"... someone left the jar on our camper porch while Pete and I were at ER (okay, they claim they delivered it before my husband was injured, but my kids found it and called us as we were on our way to the hospital) We actually returned to camp with cookies and were prepared to deliver it to another unsuspecting family on Saturday night. Unfortunately, someone decided to change the rules and declare the game over during our campfire worship time on Saturday night... Joshua wisely headed for the nearest tree branch when we were sent center stage (crutches and all) for the chicken dance -- sorry, no pictures - you'll have to imagine...

This week we started using the English language program that we purchased in China. Joshua loves it! The other kids have enjoyed watching the DVDs and helping him too. This is a program that I heard about from an American woman who is teaching English in China with her husband. We met them one day in Guangzhou. What a blessing that meeting ended up being! I had no idea what program to use to teach English and I don't think I ever would have found this one here. It is fun for all of us to hear Joshua trying out his new English phrases. Next time you see him, be sure to ask "How are you?" The program is called "GoGo's Adventures in English".

We're enjoying a new produce stand in our little community. One of the benefits is being able to supply Joshua's watermelon eating habit. It seems everyone likes to have the ends of the watermelon. Since we are now able to eat three watermelons per week, we decided to be crazy and cut the ends off of three watermelons at once and have our own little watermelon party....

Switching to Travel Blog!

Beginning tomorrow, updates will be on our travel blog. The link is on the upper left corner of this page. Tomorrow, we should be able to post our itinerary. Today, we confirmed we will be spending 7 days in Beijing before traveling to meet Li Meng. It is too costly to change our flights from arriving in Hong Kong to arriving in Beijing (about 3,000), so we will spend the night in Hong Kong and fly to Beijing the next morning. Details will be coming in the morning. We expect to see some sights while in Beijing and maybe even see some friends. We do not know what each day will bring. The rest of our agency travel group will be leaving Beijing on Monday morning before we arrive. We will meet some of them when we arrive in Guangzhou on July 2nd. Most of them are leaving for China tomorrow.

Prayer requests:
That we would be salt and light and have words of encouragement and hope in all circumstances.
That we would stay safe and healthy and have no further complications relating to flu or other concerns.
That the airline would find a way for us all to sit together on our flights.
That our children will be safe and a blessing to grandparents and friends.
That Mark would not have allergy or asthma issues and that we will find food he can safely eat.
That computer, email access and phones would work so we can keep in touch with all of you!
That Pete would be able to resolve issues with work and be able to take care of those items needing attention while we are in China.
That we can meet our son on schedule (June 29) or perhaps even earlier. We would also love to visit his orphanage to meet his nanny and friends.
That God is preparing his heart to meet us and begin to understand our love for him and God's love for him.
That we would have wisdom in how to make him feel comfortable and accepted.
That we would be able to understand each other.
That our children, family and friends are ready to meet and receive him with love, patience and grace.
We are so thankful for the miracles that have happened to bring us this far. God has provided all we need, just when we needed it.
Two days ago, I received a phone call from someone offering a contact for a Mandarin translator that sounds absolutely perfect and is an answer to my prayers!

See you at the travel blog!!! http://jbarjoshua.blogspot.com/

The first and last word...

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You..."
Isaiah 26:3

A good theme for a day with more twists and turns in our journey to bring home Joshua. It seems that every time we think we have overcome the last obstacle, we get a bit of rest before encountering yet another one. With only 6 days until we are supposed to be meeting our son, this morning it was easy to wake up thinking it would be smooth sailing from here on out. However, this drama is not over yet. I guess if we ever decide to turn our childrens' stories into a book, we will have the necessary conflict and tension to make the ending more exciting. Although my daughter thinks the number of obstacles along the way would seem unrealistic to a book editor.

This morning, instead of finding our itinerary in our email, we received a phone call from our agency. Apparently, our province has now decided they are closed for adoption appointments in an effort to prevent the spread of swine flu. However, we were told our agency reps in China were able to arrange a compromise. We can come get him, but we have to agree to spend a week in Beijing before coming to the province. Instead of receiving him on the 22nd, we would meet him on the 29th. They would then expedite his passport application so that we could leave the province on the 2nd to rejoin our group in Guangzhou and make it to our consulate appointment. Not an ideal plan. We already have plane tickets to Hong Kong. Our agency is looking into whether we fly to Beijing upon our arrival or try to change our plane tickets. Just for fun, you might want to get a China map and find our arrival city (Hong Kong), then trace your way to Beijing, over to Urumqi and back to Guangzhou. We aren't sure what the time in Beijing would look like (might look a lot like the inside of a hotel room...)

We are trusting God has a plan and purpose and are praying that perhaps while we are sleeping tonight, someone at the civil affairs office of our province will have mercy. If this must be the plan, we are willing to do what is necessary to bring our son home and believing perhaps God has more going on than we can see or predict. The province could have decided not to allow us to come at all. Others have been told they cannot come. There are many opportunities for fear and doubt. There was a song sung at church on Sunday that I loved. I couldn't remember how it went, but remembered one line "The first and last word will always be His." Today, my daughter started playing it at the piano and my other daughter started singing (apparently someone had given them the music). I found the title on their music and then looked up this you tube video that includes the lyrics. It is a great song.

A Sweet Day

There have been some difficult days in this adoption process, days of frustration, days of tears, days when I read scripture after scripture to keep myself centered. Yesterday, was a sweet day. Several times yesterday, my son Mark said, ONLY SIX DAYS UNTIL WE LEAVE! After years of waiting, it is a bit surreal.

We are so blessed to be surrounded by supportive family and friends. This little boy has so many people that have prayed for him and taken an interest in his story. Yesterday morning, our church family truly bathed us in prayer as we prepare to make the journey to China to bring him home. It was a special time. More tears from our family, but this time they are tears of joy. As people prayed that we would have no issues with travel restrictions or swine flu, two different people told us they had this vision of God parting the sea so we could walk on dry ground. What a comfort that is to us.

We are also blown away, once again, by God's providence. As we began this adoption, we believed and trusted that somehow, He would provide the funds for it to be completed. We couldn't see how it would happen. If felt like a huge leap of faith into what appeared to be thin air. But we are reminded again that our Father does own the cattle on a thousand hills. He sold a few more yesterday! People have been so generous in learning of the extra days we will be required to stay in China. I had one friend email me and say she thought it sounded silly, like a drop in the bucket, but she felt like God had told her to give us $30. That drop in the bucket was the beginning of a downpour. At church yesterday, we were told the church was making a very generous donation to help us with our added expenses. People stuffed checks in my husband's pocket. The love we have been shown and the care for a boy no one has met except through pictures is an amazing love.

In the afternoon, we spent time together as a family celebrating Anna's birthday (she will turn 5 while we are in China). She wanted to go to the zoo. It was such a relaxing and precious afternoon together, exactly what our family needed as we prepare for a busy week, long separation and big changes. To top all of that off, my husband strangely received a text message from work while we were at the zoo. It appeared to have originated in a processing center. It informed him of some sort of stock option that was being exercised. It was something related to the company he previously worked for that was acquired by the current company. The bottom line of the message is that on June 30, while we are in China, there will be a deposit made to our checking account. It appears this will be enough to ensure we complete this adoption debt free! Our gracious, heavenly Father really does own the cattle on a thousand hills. We are so thankful he sold a few more on our behalf yesterday, six days before we leave for China!

Below is a video my husband posted last night. He put this video (slide presentation) together a couple of months ago.

Anna and Joshua Story video

My husband, Pete, added this video. A couple of months ago, I was asked to share our story at a women's event. Pete prepared this video to go along with the presentation.